Happy new year! (Is it already too late for that?)
I had long toyed with the idea of skipping my traditional Christmas and Hanukkah observances, wanting to instead have a good old-fashioned Festivus, but I could never seem to get it together.
This year, however, was different.
Due in part to all the crazy in 2025, I decided that this would be the year to get the pole out of the crawl space. I wanted it to be authentic and full of Seinfeld references, while also fun for those who didn’t know ANYTHING about Festivus. Full of ambition and energy, I sent out my invite and set to planning.
Planning
While my goal was to celebrate on December 23rd, it became evident that if I wanted anyone to actually show up, Festivus needed to happen the Friday before.
To complement the standard sparkling water, wine, and beer options, I crafted a few custom cocktails (Grievance #9, the Importer/Exporter, and the Scarsdale Surprise) and assembled a smorgasbord of snacks as well as a few mains. Several among the invites were either vegetarian or gluten-free, so my food menu ended up being:
- Lumpia (supplied by local Filipino restaurant; pork, beef, vegetarian options)
- Pretzels (made me thirsty; couldn’t find Ring Dings)
- Festivus Meatloaf (made using local grocery’s special mix) glazed with curry sauce, served with spring mix salad
- Cashew+butternut squash soup
- Rye bread (couldn’t get a marble rye in time)
The Gathering
As folks appeared, I had them scrawl down their top grievances on paper and drop them into a box for shuffling and eventual reading out loud during the Festivus feast. Since numerous attendees came from different social circles and didn’t necessarily know one another, I let them know that they didn’t need to call anyone out – they could vent about anything that disappointed them! I also encouraged folks to gather by the Festivus pole for photos or just to admire the strength-to-weight ratio.
After a bit of mixing, folks sat down to the Festivus feast. We chatted, thought of more grievances, and enjoyed the rich food. All the while, The Strike was playing on a loop (muted) on one screen, while the another played through Season 5 of Seinfeld on my old iMac. Chances with Wolves provided festive and funky beats for the night, and before we knew it, it was time for the Airing of Grievances.
As host, I had the honor of doing the airing. After a few good shakes of the grievance box, I read out frustrations over freeway construction, office gift-giving, politics, people getting sick right before Festivus, not having one’s life sufficiently sorted out, moving around the house too fast and scaring the cat, and numerous other things. Laughs were shared and even more grievances came to mind as we resumed the feast. A few folks shared that they refreshed and relieved after the grievance reading. It’s as good as therapy sometimes!
As Festivus rolled on, folks began getting excited for the Feats of Strength. While it would’ve been more authentic to do some actual wrestling, for numerous reasons it ended up being better to digest and work through the alternate challenges. No one could remember the last time they had a staring contest or an arm-wrestle, so it was fun to revisit those relics of childhood and see (in some cases) how little things had changed. The Fat Wallet contest revealed some interesting information about a few people – for instance, it turned out one person didn’t even own a wallet, and carried debit and credit cards loose in their pocket!
After a few swigs of eggnog, a few of us got bold enough for an impromptu push-up contest. If anything will substitute for wrestling the head of the household, this is it. An eggnog-fueled push-up contest is definitely a feat. Exhausted, and fortunately without any puking, every one settled back down to bask in the splendor of the Festivus pole.
The Bonfire of the Grievances was unfortunately rained out, but when the skies cleared, I burnt everyone’s grievance scraps in a raging inferno.
Festivus 2025, done and dusted. Festivus 2026? I can’t wait.
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